Re-posting this from Thena's blog. three things: a) quit rubbing it in that I'm half-mortal. We with longevity are sensitive about it, you immortal jerks. We have naturally thinner skin than you. b) This does not bode well. c) I never understood why hope was in a jar with all these other horrible things, unless it is ultimately the worst of all?
-Dionysus
Episode IV: A New Hope (in a jar) - part 1
Quick update: I'm exhausted so excuse the brevity. Eternal youth does not come with eternal energy, sad to note. I dropped Hera back in Seattle. Hades is near-recovered and awaiting news on our escapees, and Artemis vanished shortly after we discovered all those footprints.
I arrived in New Hope, PA this morning. I am quite concerned so I wanted to give you guys an update. On a hunch, I stopped to check on Pandora. Her pottery shop is closed and looking in a window it looks like a small tornado went off in there (that is an analogy, not literal, people. I don't think, anyways). All her jars are smashed to bits. There's a note saying it's closed. I've been asking around town to see what's up but no news yet. I'll scope out her apartment after dark.
If there was ever a more likely candidate to have released all the immortal things that go bump in the night... And Epimetheus was her husband, remember. Maybe that's too literal. I hope it's too literal. As far as I know she, like Dionysus, has only longevity, not immortality, and I'd hate to... well, you know the rest.
-Athena
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Monday, July 2, 2007
Two Ladies Head to Hades
Got this from Athena this afternoon
-Dionysus
"This has been a crazy 24 hours, so bear with me as I ramble:
-Dionysus
"This has been a crazy 24 hours, so bear with me as I ramble:
Hera and I pulled into picturesque
Speculation by the mortals centers around terrorism and biological contaminants. Hera thinks this is quite possibly valid, and it could have nothing to do with us and ours, or one of them could’ve developed a bioweapon. Since there are no reports of burns, I am kind of ruling out lightning. I have the old astrape, but almost anyone with thick enough ichor could wield a new and improved version, for sure.
The strategist in me thinks this may be diversionary. And that bigger trouble is to come very soon.
After sunset, we head off to Tartarus via ATV, Epimetheus in tow, in two. This was such such a pain, I almost woke him up for the trip, just to put him back in his nap upon arrival. This caused Hera to point out I could’ve done that all along and we could’ve flown up here. She just doesn’t understand justice.
As soon as we set off I had a feeling we were being followed. Seeing as I can’t die, I never understood the need for sneakiness. What are you gonna do? Waste my time? I got plenty.
Tartarus was as abandoned as Epimetheus said. However we were clearly not the first to arrive to investigate. Hades was there, unconscious with a near-healed neck wound. Someone reattached his head, and not long ago. He hadn’t been napping long so we figured he’d be awake before long.
The overall damage seemed not nearly as bad as we’d feared. Maybe 20 empty cages. No real structural damage. They were all simply released.
So we decided to end the nonsense of whoever was (still) following us. Together Hera and I set a simple, strong snare. We then staged a large fight intended to lure the predator into thinking us separated and weak. I stormed off angrily and loudly… and promptly fell in a nasty trou de loup. She got me with a fucking tiger pit-I was stunned. Hera came rushing out and tripped a (admittedly much nicer than our effort) snare which caught her squarely in the neck. We were just getting into blaming each other when the master hunter herself strolled out of the forest, laughing.
Artemis is doing no better than last I saw her, though no worse either. As she freed us, in between the mumbling and incoherency, I did make out bits about how we never recognize her skills but that “the fake fight was a nice touch. Very realistic” Ah well, to be recognized by the best.
As is her way, she fell silent and simply shared with us a lovely bear meat supper. Pointing out her stylish bearskin “attire” if I could call it that. Though to be fair to her I see girls in
Sated with bellies full of bear we slept until the crack of dawn when Artie woke us babbling about Hades. He was conscious but couldn’t speak yet.
-Athena"
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Looking a Gift Norse in the Mouth
Here is that letter from Hermes I promised you. May the little charmer never change:
-Dionysus
"Dear Immortal Friends,
I write to you filled with nearly as much pleasure as a god can know. No, I am not in love, except, as always, with myself, but rather what I am feeling is the joyous joy of joyful revenge.
The professed reason for my travels, my freewheeling playboy lifestyle, was in truth a small fib. As some of you hinted, I was on my centennial search for my most favored possession, lost 700 years ago and searched out once every hundred years since.
My shoes! My lovely winged shoes. Although they have been greatly embellished in stories to give all sorts of powers and magical nonsense, they are still my most famous attribute, you know. You see them on flower vans all the time. You know the ones. And they are the only sandals in human history that make fancy shoes of gold look manly.
So when I tell you I found them, you can imagine how high my hopes were raised. Abandoned in a filthy smuggler's warehouse in Turkey, hardly noticed among so much pilfered riches. My contact's description was so precise, I knew it was they. So off I rushed to reclaim, steal back, or if it came down to it, buy my lovely shoes.
I arrived to a most crushing scene. Dirty smugglers and broken artifacts strewn about and nothing stolen intact save the only important piece in the bunch! I coaxed out a description of the perpetrator and I'm sure you can guess: that trickster Loki!
So I turned worn leather heel and headed straight for the rattiest rat hole bar in Norway, and after being directed to three or four deemed by the patrons even rattier, there he was, sprawled feet up on the table like some sort of savage, smirking at me. I beat him soundly about his drunken ears and how he laughed. He said I'd never get them back, he gifted them to someone who would never part with such beauty and value. He slipped up and mentioned she liked them almost as much as her necklace so I knew. He had the gall to say not only did I have girl feet, but they looked better on her! So I cut off his ear. It is enclosed if you wish to return it to him.
After a year or so of careful planning at my seaside residence in France (revenge is such hard business, you know) off I set to where I knew my shoes were being held hostage: Freyja's manor outside Prague.
She greeted me with divine grace, though smugly showing me MY shoes on her ugly pale feet. She immediately informed me her new gift was very dear to her and she would not give them up without a proper war being fought over them. No worries, Athena, though a tempting route, it is one I chose not to take.
I told her we had more important things to discuss, that in fact I had come to give her dreadful warning. I learned the arts of fortune telling and divination from the Thriae, I told her, and in scrying for my shoes, the bones told me… and here I recreated the bones-throwing, and indeed, they told the same story, that the very next day Freyja would hear terrible news about losing all that she holds dear. Now I stressed for her and with gentle suggestion, she had the idea (all by herself of course) to kick me out as a horrible bearer of bad tiding and lock up the house and not answer the phone and therefore hear nothing. I told her she was very wise, and to prove I had no ill will for her to take this gift.
I revealed it with a flourish and she squealed with delight as I presented her a lovely songbird I have named Uskglass, one so talented it could recite all her favorite rock and roll tunes. She took it gleefully inside with her and slammed the door in my face.
The next morning the bird, nearly as clever as I, launched into a series of Freyja's favorite tunes, and she was so moved by his rendition of "Freebird" that she did indeed just that, wanting to hug the poor creature. Once loosed my brilliant Myna bird pecked the goddess at her feet until through her shrieks she kicked them off and he fetched them to me straight away as I awaited outside.
I sent him back to her straight away, and he told her, in perfect imitation of my voice, which I had spent months teaching him, that the prophecy was after all true: she did lose that closest to her-closest to her skin, that is. Adding that I hope she would accept this, and at this point Uskglass like a good bird sticks out his little leg which holds a most stunning giant ruby ring, as an apology and as restitution.
It is hardly her fault I am so disarming and so few can resist my charms, and thus all was forgiven and in truth Freyja was now cross with Loki for causing all this trouble. I begged her one favor, to invite him to visit, as I have trained the little bird to recognize his smirking face and to once that person is seen follow him around endlessly, chatting in my voice about all subjects and topics as I am capable of doing for, as you know, years on end without stopping. I dare say the bird, Uskglass, picked it up so well it can make up its own as it runs out of things I have taught it, and I bet the stars he takes as much delight as I in torturing that wretch Loki.
So there it is my undying friends, the record of my triumph over my trickster counterpart, my evil twin one might say, and the return of my most recognizable possession. I am flying home (on a plane, you devilish smartasses) after a brief stopover in France to wrap up my affairs there. Fake another death. Work, work work. See you soon!
-Hermes
Enclosure"
Dated June 22, 2007
-Dionysus
"Dear Immortal Friends,
I write to you filled with nearly as much pleasure as a god can know. No, I am not in love, except, as always, with myself, but rather what I am feeling is the joyous joy of joyful revenge.
The professed reason for my travels, my freewheeling playboy lifestyle, was in truth a small fib. As some of you hinted, I was on my centennial search for my most favored possession, lost 700 years ago and searched out once every hundred years since.
My shoes! My lovely winged shoes. Although they have been greatly embellished in stories to give all sorts of powers and magical nonsense, they are still my most famous attribute, you know. You see them on flower vans all the time. You know the ones. And they are the only sandals in human history that make fancy shoes of gold look manly.
So when I tell you I found them, you can imagine how high my hopes were raised. Abandoned in a filthy smuggler's warehouse in Turkey, hardly noticed among so much pilfered riches. My contact's description was so precise, I knew it was they. So off I rushed to reclaim, steal back, or if it came down to it, buy my lovely shoes.
I arrived to a most crushing scene. Dirty smugglers and broken artifacts strewn about and nothing stolen intact save the only important piece in the bunch! I coaxed out a description of the perpetrator and I'm sure you can guess: that trickster Loki!
So I turned worn leather heel and headed straight for the rattiest rat hole bar in Norway, and after being directed to three or four deemed by the patrons even rattier, there he was, sprawled feet up on the table like some sort of savage, smirking at me. I beat him soundly about his drunken ears and how he laughed. He said I'd never get them back, he gifted them to someone who would never part with such beauty and value. He slipped up and mentioned she liked them almost as much as her necklace so I knew. He had the gall to say not only did I have girl feet, but they looked better on her! So I cut off his ear. It is enclosed if you wish to return it to him.
After a year or so of careful planning at my seaside residence in France (revenge is such hard business, you know) off I set to where I knew my shoes were being held hostage: Freyja's manor outside Prague.
She greeted me with divine grace, though smugly showing me MY shoes on her ugly pale feet. She immediately informed me her new gift was very dear to her and she would not give them up without a proper war being fought over them. No worries, Athena, though a tempting route, it is one I chose not to take.
I told her we had more important things to discuss, that in fact I had come to give her dreadful warning. I learned the arts of fortune telling and divination from the Thriae, I told her, and in scrying for my shoes, the bones told me… and here I recreated the bones-throwing, and indeed, they told the same story, that the very next day Freyja would hear terrible news about losing all that she holds dear. Now I stressed for her and with gentle suggestion, she had the idea (all by herself of course) to kick me out as a horrible bearer of bad tiding and lock up the house and not answer the phone and therefore hear nothing. I told her she was very wise, and to prove I had no ill will for her to take this gift.
I revealed it with a flourish and she squealed with delight as I presented her a lovely songbird I have named Uskglass, one so talented it could recite all her favorite rock and roll tunes. She took it gleefully inside with her and slammed the door in my face.
The next morning the bird, nearly as clever as I, launched into a series of Freyja's favorite tunes, and she was so moved by his rendition of "Freebird" that she did indeed just that, wanting to hug the poor creature. Once loosed my brilliant Myna bird pecked the goddess at her feet until through her shrieks she kicked them off and he fetched them to me straight away as I awaited outside.
I sent him back to her straight away, and he told her, in perfect imitation of my voice, which I had spent months teaching him, that the prophecy was after all true: she did lose that closest to her-closest to her skin, that is. Adding that I hope she would accept this, and at this point Uskglass like a good bird sticks out his little leg which holds a most stunning giant ruby ring, as an apology and as restitution.
It is hardly her fault I am so disarming and so few can resist my charms, and thus all was forgiven and in truth Freyja was now cross with Loki for causing all this trouble. I begged her one favor, to invite him to visit, as I have trained the little bird to recognize his smirking face and to once that person is seen follow him around endlessly, chatting in my voice about all subjects and topics as I am capable of doing for, as you know, years on end without stopping. I dare say the bird, Uskglass, picked it up so well it can make up its own as it runs out of things I have taught it, and I bet the stars he takes as much delight as I in torturing that wretch Loki.
So there it is my undying friends, the record of my triumph over my trickster counterpart, my evil twin one might say, and the return of my most recognizable possession. I am flying home (on a plane, you devilish smartasses) after a brief stopover in France to wrap up my affairs there. Fake another death. Work, work work. See you soon!
-Hermes
Enclosure"
Dated June 22, 2007
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Update From the Road part 1
Athena blogged using her aircard. but she's not addicted to the internet, honest:
From Middle America in an Automobile
"I am no stranger to long road trips, of course, or long trips in general. I've been the long way 'round to the west coast by boat, long ago. But nothing pleases me more than a long solo road trip in an automobile. This counts as solo, as Epimetheus's two parts are happily at rest in the trunk. Ah, cars! The automobile is a miracle of human ingenuity, and damn fun. It represents autonomy and freedom. Everyone wants to know that if they had the guts, they could just get in that car and drive away into a new life.
I, of course, do everything backwards, and am instead driving to an old life. I should be in Seattle on Thursday, and I have a feeling Hera will want to see the situation at Tartarus enough to wrench herself away from corporate life.
-Athena"
I got the longest letter from Hermes today. Good stuff. I will post it tomorrow unless the bar gets overrun by hipsters.
-Dionysus
From Middle America in an Automobile
"I am no stranger to long road trips, of course, or long trips in general. I've been the long way 'round to the west coast by boat, long ago. But nothing pleases me more than a long solo road trip in an automobile. This counts as solo, as Epimetheus's two parts are happily at rest in the trunk. Ah, cars! The automobile is a miracle of human ingenuity, and damn fun. It represents autonomy and freedom. Everyone wants to know that if they had the guts, they could just get in that car and drive away into a new life.
I, of course, do everything backwards, and am instead driving to an old life. I should be in Seattle on Thursday, and I have a feeling Hera will want to see the situation at Tartarus enough to wrench herself away from corporate life.
-Athena"
I got the longest letter from Hermes today. Good stuff. I will post it tomorrow unless the bar gets overrun by hipsters.
-Dionysus
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Hindsight is 20/20 - part 3
The gang got back a bit ago and filled me in. I've cashed out the tills so I can write this up properly. It's been a while since we needed a true log of events. It has been a peaceful while since the end of the war.
Aphro and the new priestess get back first. She's named Cybil and it seems the Oracle was taking over without permission - woke out of her trance being dangled by her neck off some scaffolding in the middle of the Atlantic Yards. Epimetheus was apologetic about the ugly situation, yet unwilling to give up his leverage. Shouting to Theeny that he was going to break the mortal.
Thena, as is her way, tried to talk him down, and it mostly worked. As is so often with us (and with mortals), it has come full circle again, back to his big turning point. He's stuck on rerun, repeating the same mistake over and over again. Re-living his big fight with his brother Prometheus. He is just taking back the fire Prometheus gave mankind, figuratively and literally, and is trying so hard to reach a different outcome. Athena tells him this will not end well, and poor Epi breaks. Way back in 1666, Prometheus said those exact words. In hindsight, the brother is always right, and things will never end well. Just like in 1871 in Chicago and at the great fire of London as well. Don't think Athena had known about London. Oops.
Epi is begging Thena. Begging her to not make him go back to Tartarus. Not awake. Let him take a nap. He puts Cybil down, backs away. And Xipe was waiting there, with his knives.
Athena gives what I'm sure was an inspirational speech. In short, she reminds Epi this one didn't end so badly as last time. He smiles. She nods to Xipe who tosses her a knife and in one not-so-fluid motion she hacks off his head.
Aphro, Xipe and Heph stare uncomfortably at Thena until Heph feels the need to point out the obvious. "Crap" says Athena, and kneels to reattach Epi's head long enough to ask him.
"How in Hades did you paralyze an entire town?"
"I didn't. It must've been one of the others." She raises an eyebrow... "I didn't bust out. We all got out. I thought you knew."
Frustrated, she pulls his head back off his neck and rolls it away from her.
The gang piles back in here just before closing. The band is packing up as I pour the drinks that loosen lips to get a full picture. We all agree, Athena needs to take Epimetheus, in two pieces, back up to Tartarus to store him for his naptime and to find out what has happened up there at the penitentiary of the gods.
And we need to figure out what the Oracle's message really means. Theeny will stop by the Seattle crew on her way up to Alaska and Tartarus to get their take on this new, strangely exciting disaster.
This poor bartender needs to rest well (though not as well as Epi) and will report back after I recover.
~Dionysus
Aphro and the new priestess get back first. She's named Cybil and it seems the Oracle was taking over without permission - woke out of her trance being dangled by her neck off some scaffolding in the middle of the Atlantic Yards. Epimetheus was apologetic about the ugly situation, yet unwilling to give up his leverage. Shouting to Theeny that he was going to break the mortal.
Thena, as is her way, tried to talk him down, and it mostly worked. As is so often with us (and with mortals), it has come full circle again, back to his big turning point. He's stuck on rerun, repeating the same mistake over and over again. Re-living his big fight with his brother Prometheus. He is just taking back the fire Prometheus gave mankind, figuratively and literally, and is trying so hard to reach a different outcome. Athena tells him this will not end well, and poor Epi breaks. Way back in 1666, Prometheus said those exact words. In hindsight, the brother is always right, and things will never end well. Just like in 1871 in Chicago and at the great fire of London as well. Don't think Athena had known about London. Oops.
Epi is begging Thena. Begging her to not make him go back to Tartarus. Not awake. Let him take a nap. He puts Cybil down, backs away. And Xipe was waiting there, with his knives.
Athena gives what I'm sure was an inspirational speech. In short, she reminds Epi this one didn't end so badly as last time. He smiles. She nods to Xipe who tosses her a knife and in one not-so-fluid motion she hacks off his head.
Aphro, Xipe and Heph stare uncomfortably at Thena until Heph feels the need to point out the obvious. "Crap" says Athena, and kneels to reattach Epi's head long enough to ask him.
"How in Hades did you paralyze an entire town?"
"I didn't. It must've been one of the others." She raises an eyebrow... "I didn't bust out. We all got out. I thought you knew."
Frustrated, she pulls his head back off his neck and rolls it away from her.
The gang piles back in here just before closing. The band is packing up as I pour the drinks that loosen lips to get a full picture. We all agree, Athena needs to take Epimetheus, in two pieces, back up to Tartarus to store him for his naptime and to find out what has happened up there at the penitentiary of the gods.
And we need to figure out what the Oracle's message really means. Theeny will stop by the Seattle crew on her way up to Alaska and Tartarus to get their take on this new, strangely exciting disaster.
This poor bartender needs to rest well (though not as well as Epi) and will report back after I recover.
~Dionysus
Hindsight is 20/20 - part 2
Just as Thena wrapped up the big plan of action, Xipe returned. He says Epimetheus wants to talk. At the Atlantic Yards. He has the priestess. Athena, Hephestus, Aphrodite have gone off with Xipe just now.
Times like this I envy the immortality. Being a half-mortal really leaves me out of the thick of the action.
Times like this I envy the immortality. Being a half-mortal really leaves me out of the thick of the action.
Hindsight is 20/20 part 1
Quick update: so at 11 Athena called the meeting to order. Well, 11:20, Xipe was late. His people only invented the recording of time... regardless, Thena was just into the main swing of the rousing oration about duty to ourselves and the protection of our people, when Xipe busted in, stammering and pointing to the kitchen. The priestess was just dragged through, he says. The one who moved the tripod. The one who posted the blogs.
By Epimetheus.
What the hades? He's been in Tartarus 200 years now.
Xipe dumped that on us and turned heel to track them.
And then the true oratory began. Goddesses love ya, Theeny, but you can talk the ear off a cob of corn. But there is a plan now. I stopped listening entirely, but I believe there will be an armament, and flanks, and... hold on.
By Epimetheus.
What the hades? He's been in Tartarus 200 years now.
Xipe dumped that on us and turned heel to track them.
And then the true oratory began. Goddesses love ya, Theeny, but you can talk the ear off a cob of corn. But there is a plan now. I stopped listening entirely, but I believe there will be an armament, and flanks, and... hold on.
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